Some Advice, and Calculations, for Sandra Fluke
(Hat tip Don B. For The Forward. Thanks Don.)
Many of you have likely seen the heart rending testimony of Ms. Sandra
Fluke, a law student at Georgetown University, before a Congressional
Committee recently. She was lamenting that no one would subsidize her
birth control expenses, which she claimed would amount to $3000 during
her three years in law school. After watching Ms. Fluke describe her
desperate situation I set to thinking of ways to help her out of her
First, of course I had to pass through the grieving period I
experienced after hearing of her inhumane treatment at the hands of
the Georgetown administration and our Government – what cruelty lurks
in the heart of men that they would leave this poor woman to fend for
herself when all she wanted to do was get laid seven times a day (see
my analysis below).
Once I recovered from my grief, I set to thinking about ways to help
this poor girl. Being a Physicist, I sat down with my calculator and
worked through some numbers. Ms. Fluke’s expense account for birth
control (aka sexual entertainment) was claimed to be $3000 for three
years at law school. Let’s presume that as an educated woman she wants
to be doubly safe and uses both birth control pills to prevent
pregnancy and condoms to prevent STDs (sexually transmitted disease).
Using the Wal-Mart cost for birth control pills of $9 per month, her
birth control pills will cost her $324 for her entire law school
career (if you can call it a career – I can think of other names).
This leaves only $2676 for her condoms.
I went to Amazon.com, and found quality condoms available for 33 cents
each in packages of 60 condoms each. This cost includes tax and
shipping. Since she has $2676 for her 33 cent condoms, she will be
buying 8109 condoms during her law school “career”.
To use her 8109 condoms (remember, $3000 was Ms. Flukes’ own number)
she would have to have sex 7 times a day. This number presumes that
she has sex ten times a day on Sundays when she has more free time So,
having worked through these numbers, I have some suggestions for Ms.
Fluke to help her work through her crisis:
1. Find dates who are gentlemanly enough to either provide their own
condoms, or at least split the cost with her. Selection criteria is
the key to this one.
2. Spend more time studying. Even seven “quickies” a day will
seriously cut into quality study time. This would not only save money
but would improve her education as well.
3. Seek funding from the EPA from one of their Wetlands Protection
programs – surely Ms. Flukes’ nether regions would qualify as wetlands
given sex seven times a day.
Just trying to help out a starving student. By the way, the average
starting salary of new Georgetown Law School graduates is $160,000 a
Booth R. Myers, PhD